What Is It You Think You See?
Written on 3 Sep, 2010.
Filed under Music, Future.
12 comments.
Lyrics from “Futures” but Jimmy Eat World.
This week has been all music. I’ve had so many FYPE (Fife Youth Percussion Ensemble) rehearsals. 1-4pm Tuesday and Wednesday plus a whole day for the concert on Thursday. Then tomorrow I have to wake up God knows how early to get the bus in Inverkeithing to Glasgow for another concert. And on Wednesday night I rushed downstairs to the piano to practise because I realised I had a lesson. And I suppose you could add a percussion lesson on Monday, our school’s percussion ensemble and music lessons themselves within school. Phew.
My friend Roxy actually asked me today in double maths how many days of the week I do something related to music. Listening to my iPod was excluded. It works out that I do something music-related every week day, and if I happen to practise piano at the weekend, then too. Is it sad to devote so much time to one thing? I never think about it like that, my music commitments have become a part of everyday life. I know the only lunchtime I have free is Friday and it doesn’t bother me, should it? It would make sense if I want to take music beyond school but the only thing concrete in my future plans is university. Whilst studying music is an option it’s just that, an option, nothing more. I’m completely unsure about what I want from life.
I’m getting to the end of my school years now and my year head was trying to drill into our heads that it’s important to know what you want to do this morning at assembly. I’m sorry but I’m sixteen years old, I know what school subjects I like or dislike but how can you narrow that down to a definite career? We’re meant to know exactly what school courses to take, exactly what grades to get, exactly where to apply, exactly where to go next. I’ve never understood how some people can say “I want to go to Dundee uni” or “oh, I’d really like to go to Stirling University, the campus looks awesome and there’s…” I envy people who are so sure what they want to do.
It is a real cause for panic. I’m a good student, I’ve been maintaining top grades for as long as I can remember, but I hate thinking I might miss out on amazing opportunities because I’m still not decided on a path. Whenever I do start to panic Mum reassures me by telling me she had no idea what she wanted to do, she just did a degree on what she enjoyed. Incidentally she has a degree in French and a secondary degree in German. She told me she still has no idea what she really wants to do. My Dad also, he started a degree in engineering but dropped out because he didn’t find it suiting to him. It should be a comfort, my Dad has established a good career and earns above the average and my Mum also has a good job. But neither of my parents like their job. I’m not saying they’ve done anything wrong but I can’t help but feel I should decide now so I don’t end up in some random career I don’t like.
But how would I go about choosing? I don’t really have any weaknesses academically but neither do I have any definite strengths. As for what I enjoy it varies a lot. Music, literature, web design are among things I like but all three couldn’t be more different. Psychology interests me a bit but I know next to nothing about it as of yet.
I like to think the path is already laid out beneath my feet, and all I can see is a tiny bit ahead. I need to wait for certain circumstances that haven’t yet occurred to make the hazy area ahead clear. But I like to think that, in reality I have no such beliefs, my mind is too logic oriented to have a religion, faith or belief.
I guess I just need to do my absolute best, work hard and wait and see.
I listen to too much Lostprophets. Lyrics from “Darkest Blue” by, well, who do you think?
Who’d have thought a notebooks and a pencil would help with web design? Well it did for me and I now I have a layout design I’m happy with. I’m not going to show it though, it’s a very crude sketch. However, I have decided to draw my own Twitter bird and this is what I have right now. A quick sketch, not much, but it’ll have a little speech bubble with my most recent tweet. 
